So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
