That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
