I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
