omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
