I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
