i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
