At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
