i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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