i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
