I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
