i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
did i walk over a car last night?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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