Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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