am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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