no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
