The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
