i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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