wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
