Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
