Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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