Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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