dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
