I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
