you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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