Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
