i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
