The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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