if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
