proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
