I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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