3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
