Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
