Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
