I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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