If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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