Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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