so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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