i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
