Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
