Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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