What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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