I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
