I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
