he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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