Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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