I wish my penis had an off switch
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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