Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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