2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
