I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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