I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
