found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Success! We fucked roommates!
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