it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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