I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
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