just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
