what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
