You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
